Sunday, March 11, 2007
BBQ was last night, really excited about it and stuff..
got to meet ben, joy,alv again..though its wee seng's birthday(last night was the 1st time i meet him)
ben taught me how to fly a kite yesterday, ha! was really fun and stuff, now i know how to fly one already..
wind was really strong yesterday..ha! everyone's hair were in a mess..except for ben's..(short hair)
but...the birthday turn out to be a disaster..got everyone upset..
and spirits were dampened..
i wasn't feeling really well last night due to my sensitive stomach, that kept churning and result to me vomiting after i return back home.
i went back with Joy after that, and...haiz...wasn't really pleased with Alv..
my selfishness and all..
kept thinking and pondering...a bad habit of mine...really thought that i really can't do anything for him anymore..cried while taking a shower..cried to sleep..and woke up crying.. i can't believe this is hurting me so bad..
maybe this is the 1st time..i adore someone this bad..i kept filling his bottle..but left mine uncorked and empty..i know he's doing the same for me...and i'm really happy..but what was wrong me last night..its not the 1st time i have to go back alone..why do i have to feel those ways..i think i really rely on him too much that i forgot about who i was..me not being independent enough, not strong enough..
leaving emo aside..this is miserable..clutching my chest while cry to sleep..he's not hurting me i know..i'm just letting my thoughts go wild again..let it wander around..hurting myself with whatever thats not happening..
wondering what would happen if someone who is in his arms wasn't me..what if one day..he says he had enough of my nonsense..
i know that this is not the same...this thing...this bond..this covenant..this relationship between is really different..positively.. everything is working fine..
but because of my jealousy..selfishness..self-centeredness..every inch of me is bearing this guilt...i feel like taking back everything i say......to him.......but we know..that this have to be settled..we gotta have a talk...
this is so strange
3/11/2007 11:01:00 am
